roseaponi

I've been reading Susan Cain's book Quiet, which is a wonderfully readable study of introversion and character, and when I finish it I'll try to post a review. It's making me thoughtful lately, about my own family dynamics.

Right now, Meri Lyn is in her room, "napping." This gets quotation marks because I'm pretty sure she's awake, but seems happy and quiet enough.

Jimmy is supposed to be working on his pages independently, because working independently is a valuable skill. And also because I'm getting a little desperate for personal space. I was not a nice person yesterday morning. Admittedly, I did warn Jimmy repeatedly the night before, when he came in every twenty minutes to ask me if I was asleep and if I would fetch him just one more drink, snack, lost toy, thing, etc. It's amazing how he lives by driving me up the wall. He's wonderfully sensitive and empathetic, but soooo outgoing and high-maintenance.

I seriously hope that Meri Lyn will be an introvert. A healthier one than I was, of course. I always thought something was wrong with me - all my books about kids my age were about big groups of best friends, and my best friends *were* the books. Now I adjust my behavior pretty well - apparently being a good student is important enough that I learned to speak up in class when class required speaking up, and on some subjects I can't shut up, and I don't feel crippled by shyness anymore - but I began learning to do that from a negative self-perception, and it still crops up in unhealthy ways sometimes. I want Meri Lyn to be a healthy introvert so she can grow up and take risks and enjoy life, yet still enjoy her own company, her own self, her own creative spirit. Also, I don't think I could stay sane much longer with two extraverted children.

So I'm hiding in my room, Meri Lyn is chatting to her baby dolls in the crib (and probably playing with the sheer curtains again), and Jimmy has come in once to bargain for a kiss and two hugs. I already feel a bit better. I don't feel like I have quite enough concentration to finish a short story or fill in details on a colored pencil drawing, but I can make a blog post. (Jimmy just came in again to tell me he heard Meri Lyn... and again to ask for a drink...)

Tomorrow we have home group, which is when we go discuss church services and Bible study with other us-ish sorts of people (not identical to us, but we all have kids six and under and the babysitting arrangements are great and so is the company). I approach this like a class, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I listen, I restate what other people say to clarify points for myself (and maybe for the quieter people), and sometimes I contribute my own genuine original thinking or experience. The net result is that I talk rather a lot (by my standards), and I worry that Joe or other people wish I would shut up. But I can't. There isn't even a grade at stake - I just cannot let a point go by in silence. I don't want the leader or teacher to feel like he or she is off the mark or just said something stupid, and if someone says something that they seem embarrassed to have said, I quickly say something intended to reframe it in a way that's affirming/encouraging/sympathetic.

Writing this, it seems like I'm just so nice! But really, awkward silence to me is like a tennis ball to a Labrador retriever. MUST FETCH CONVERSATION!

But if we aren't gathered for the purpose of discussing something specific, I'm lost. Afterward, I know I should've asked about his vacation or her pregnancy or how he's feeling after being sick... But I cannot keep my mind on those things. When someone asks me about my vacation or how was the movie or how I like so-and-so's dessert, I don't know what to say - at least not in an interesting way. "Oh, it was good/great/fine." And then it's my turn to follow up with similar fluff. Ugh.

Just know, people, I love you and care about you and I'm doing my best to keep up with you all - I'd do anything for you, give you anything you need, appreciate you for the amazing person you are - but I can't talk fluff! It does not occur to me until it is far too late, and if forced to engage in it, I sound so dumb!

Oh well. The other thing I'm looking forward to this week pertaining to introversion is Thursday morning, when I take the kids to my sister's and leave them there for half the day. (Just sent Jimmy back to finish his work again... he wanted to show me something funny, but first he had to think of something funny to show me) This isn't quite ideal - it's hard to work when the house is dead silent. But that's what the radio is for. I do have to take care of things around the house today to get ready for Thursday, too, or the guilt of being myself vs. being productive will do me in. Even if being myself is productive, it doesn't seem like the right sort of productive.

I think part of the reason I love the story of Beauty and the Beast is that Beauty was _left alone for most of the day, every day_. Heaven. I know, Disney would've had a hard time keeping this element in the movie. But after a day of attending to everyone's needs (why am I the only one capable of finding things, pouring refills, fixing snacks, repairing toys, etc.? Even when Joe is _right there_, the kids come find me to do things!) and realizing that _every day_ before has been that way, and every day in the foreseeable future will be that way, near-perfect solitude in a haunted castle full of secrets and populated by just one cursed Beast sounds very doable.

Okay, time to close this post before I get too weird ;D Probably a really good writing retreat would do me just fine. I don't need a castle. :)

There is coffee cake in my house.

Normally, this isn’t a problem. First, I don’t buy cake. Second, in the case of being asked to take home cake ( as this was) I would say, “Yay! Cake for breakfast!”

But since I read Gary Taubes’ book Why We Get Fat, I can’t eat it. Yeah, I had a bit last night, but no more. The kids got cake for breakfast instead, and I had a two egg omelet.

Now I finally understand why I was always chubby, and when I hit puberty, instead of becoming willowy like my sisters and nieces, I got chunky. Curvy, yes, but still too big for my frame. My ring and glove size is 6, for crying out loud. I am very fine-boned.
Fat happens, you say. You eat too many calories and you don’t burn them off.

But how did fat happen on a diet of skim milk and Special K, salad with no dressing, margarine on popcorn, Diet Coke and chicken breast, rice and vegetables, lean ground beef that was drained and rinsed before adding to spaghetti sauce or chili? Switching to entirely whole grains did nothing. Exercise made me hungry. Slim-Fast made me stupid. When I was very young, about 12, this kind of eating left me starving by 9:00 pm. I would sneak food – treats that were bought for the guys, who could eat whatever they wanted. I was hungry and resentful, even if during the day I agreed that I should eat less and lose weight. I know now dieting is a bad idea for children, but at the time, my parents didn’t know that.

I grew up, moved out, yo-yoed for a bit, and then stopped trying. Nothing worked. I learned everything I could about diets and lifestyles and read research and fads and studies and testimonials, and got nowhere. I’d get hungry and resentful and eat an extra bowl of cereal, because I didn’t have any cookies in the house. Or, I’d get angry or resentful and eat the cereal before I got hungry. *I* never bought cakes or cookies or sugary cereal or doughnuts, not even low fat versions, but if Joe went shopping or if we took something home from a party, I either ate it or stewed silently because I wasn’t allowed to have it.

The closest I came was an all-natural (almost Paleo) diet where I could drink real whole milk and eat real cheese (I was in my twenties before I tasted real not-American, not-cheese-product cheese!) and even real whole eggs, organic grass-fed meats, lots of vegetables and very little starch. I lost thirty pounds. But then we had money issues because of surgery issues and stuff breaking issues, and the grocery bills were ridiculous, so we quit. And we gained.



( Now, back to Gary Taubes and the review: )

Since I read the book a week ago, I decided to do an experiment. Nobody but you will know (and my husband, because, well, he lives here).
( Why I'm doing the experiment, behind the cut because it could be taken in the wrong way... )

This week, I have lost five pounds. Did I mention that this is the time of my cycle that I usually gain?

Last year, I had to stop wearing my wedding rings. I put them on a charm bracelet for a few months until Joe bought me a silver ring in a size 7. A couple weeks ago, he bought me another in a size 7 because the first one was really thick and hurt the fingers on either side.

Yesterday, I reached for something quickly and my ring flew off. After only a few pounds, I can wear my size 6 wedding rings again.
In a month, I fully expect something similar to happen with the rest of me. But for now (wow. I’m starting to cry), I have my ring size back.

Long post is long... I'm going to try to do cuts.

This just in! Www.thebooklife.com is having a Month of Cinder! With a giveaway! 
I'll come back on my regular computer to make sure the link works. 
I bought Cinder in January, and have been trying to get around to the picture plus review ever since, and here it is! I wanted to make the picture much more detailed, but decided to not get caught up in perfectionism and scan what I had.

Cinder is a pragmatic teenage girl - she doesn't swoon over princes, she doesn't squeal over shoes, and she doesn't go to parties. Instead she focuses on what's important: her stepsister Peony, who is bubbly and sweet and swoons and squeals enough for both of them, her android friend Iko, and saving up enough money to buy a new foot, because she's been stuck with the same robotic prosthetic for years and her stepmother is too cheap to get her one. Fortunately, her left hand was made to expand to an adult size as she grew - so long as she keeps her gloves on and her feet below the table cover at her mechanic's stall in the market, most of her customers never realize that she's a cyborg. Which is how she likes it - cyborgs are second-class citizens in New Beijing, and she gets enough of that at home.

Since cyborgs owe their lives to science, science has been calling in that debt by randomly choosing among them as test subjects for a cure for the deadly plague that is devastating the planet - letumosis. So far, nothing has worked. New Beijing's own emperor is dying of it as well, and if that wasn't bad enough, Queen Levana of the Lunar colony is demanding a marriage alliance to his son, Prince Kai, and threatening war if she doesn't get her way. Neither option is attractive.

I found this story fast-paced and the world intriguing - not as bleak as a post-apocalyptic world, but not as rosy and simple as most Cinderella stories, either. I loved seeing how the Cinderella elements were worked in - hardly any were ones I expected, and the science fiction is well done. I thought it was an entirely plausible extrapolation of the future. It's even better on the reread - new things catch my attention, and the world comes into sharper focus.

The characters are amazing - I got mad, I laughed, and I even cried a bit. Seriously, I don't cry very much over my books anymore, but that bit was sad - Rue sad. Cinder is very funny, I thought, in a wry, understated sort of way, and I want an Iko now. I like Kai, but he's a bit distant. I can't quite figure out what he was thinking with the last thing he said to Cinder - unless that wasn't entirely him. I hope I get to see more inside his head in subsequent books.

Overall, I loved this story, the writing is clean and clever without being self-consciously so, and I can't wait for the next in the series!

In case you haven't read it, I won't spoil it, but I will say that while the mystery wasn't entirely a surprise, I did like the way my suspicions were confirmed. If you have read it, comments and discussion are appreciated!

*headdesk*
Oh well. So goes the world.

But! Jan came by today (after getting comically lost - I think she must have passed my house three times) and picked up Morgan the Black Great Dane's portrait (and paid! Now I have a check to do something with!). So that project is OFFICIALLY FINISHED.

I did a FlyLady-style Crisis Cleaning today, which I was in the middle of when Jan called and asked if she could stop by in 20 minutes (which turned into about 45 because of the whole getting lost thing) so it was great that I was already well started on it before she even called. My sister Deborah had called yesterday and asked if I'd be home because she and my neice Trina miss my kids, I said great, I miss them too, and they agreed to come over after lunch.

What Deborah didn't tell me was that my niece Anna was home from California! Squee! :) She's been gone for months, and we've missed her terribly. Facebook just isn't the same as real life, sorry. So Deborah, Anna, Trina, and my other sister Connie (she of the saintlike disposition and magical way with animals and children) all came over and we had a great time just chatting and catching up.

I am so, so glad that the first step in a FlyLady Crisis Cleaning includes getting completely dressed, makeup and all. I love my sisters and neices dearly, and they're all so gorgeous that meetings seem to require makeup. Today I looked good, and my house looked good, and the kids were even clean and dressed and behaving well. Nothing but enjoying a visit with some of my favorite people :)

A couple nights ago, I sent a story to Tor.com. I love it, I think it's very strong, I think it's just as good as anything that's getting published now. Although it is kind of hard to tell from this end. It's something I've written that *I* love to read. And that's all that can be said for it for the rest of the year, because Tor.com is a big market that pays a lot and is positively flooded with submissions. They don't do simultaneous or multiple subs either, so there's no sending anything else to them until I hear back from the first one, and no sending the current story anywhere else until I've heard back, either. It's a big scary step into Slush Pile Limbo for a long, long time. Not that I expect anything else - this is as timely as mere mortals get. 

I have also been making Tshirts for my MIL and SIL, and now Butch and Joe decided they need extra wild boar shirts next time there's a sale. I also got a $10 gift card that's only good for three days, so I need to make something nice for myself, too. I finally filled out and faxed some paperwork today, too. And - Joe's home now, so catch y'all later :)

Somebody in MI (that's Michigan, right? Too many M states in this country) just bought 100 keychains from my Zazzle store. Yes, one freaking hundred keychains from that store I haven't updated or promoted in months.
Wow. 

In other news, I finally got to see my darling newest niece yesterday. Six pounds, two ounces of adorableness :) soft black hair, alert eyes, and bad little hands that don't obey her and stay in her mouth. :D I'd forgotten all about that - my babies had disobedient hands too. Meri Lyn's hands would steal the paci out of her mouth and she would cry for them to give it back. 

After hearing about the labor, though, my own baby fever is good and killed. It started with threatening to be premature, and ended with a C-section. There was quite a lot in the middle, but as several of you are pregnant now, I won't terrify you :) Everything's fine now - she's perfect and even latches on! Yay! I wish mine had. 

Currently, I'm reading a self-published Christian novel because someone in Bible study gave it to me and asked me to read it. This person is friends with the author and it's a signed copy. The book itself is... Um... Free from obvious major problems. Except it does lapse into some terribly self-conscious prose. The plot is interesting so far, though. It's really early to tell much yet, though. 

Today's project for Backlog Week is (aside from trying not to turn it into Backslide Week) is writing an outline for the cookbook, I think. That should help me see just how much work I have to do on it. 

And I have found a terrific example of the (almost) sort of thing I want to do for my Sekrit Projekt - which makes it woefully obvious how little I know and how far I have to go. I may well have a year of prep work ahead before I can announce anything :(

to include this week too. Not even Leap Day was enough to get me caught up on the crazy, but it's coming together so long as I approach things sideways and don't look them in the eye. No lists, no guilt, no rules for perfection. I know where my sidelined projects are - I'm just picking them up and knocking them out.

I have finished the portrait of Morgan the black Great Dane, complete with background, and I've called Jan and will be working out a delivery next week.

I have consolidated most of my art on the laptop-plus-monitor so that I can possibly get back to stocking my Zazzle stores again soon, and also I have applied for a grant with the Sustainable Arts Foundation, which gives money to writers and artists who are also parents. I made my case as best I could, and now we shall see if my case is better than the rest of the applicants.

I have also snarked at the ceiling fan people. As I sit in my still-dark bedroom typing by the light of the monitor, I don't think I would take back one word from my email. At least Joe agrees that there is nothing holding him back from taking the thing apart now, which means it's now on his backlog list.

I have been teaching art class at a small private school for the past four weeks, and today was my last day. I am anxious over their unfinished work, pleased with their finished work, and so proud of each of them (and collectively, too). The two guys who always bickered for the entire class and yet kept sitting beside each other, the four with such high standards for themselves they could hardly put a mark down on paper, the really really quiet girl who could not be trusted anywhere near an eraser because she'd erase perfectly good lines - they were endearing and maddening and I miss them already. I do wonder about the four (high school!) kids who couldn't graph out 1 inch squares today. I'm pretty sure that one girl didn't expect art to equate with precision, but the rest need to build some skills. SATs aren't far in the future, and I know you have to use a ruler correctly at some point in one's life.

The extra-good news about Backlog Week (which may turn into Backlog Month) is that some of these were moneymaking endeavors, and I have Actual Cash now to put toward other projects. Not enough to finish, but enough for a start. Some of these may include:

*teh Sekrit Projekt (which I need a few more reference pictures for, thank you Pinterest)

*The Cookbook and related work. The cookbook will be a meal plan, shopping guide, and recipe book for young adults out on their own for the first time. Think cheap, easy, and nutritious on a bare-bones budget. I originally started thinking of the concept a few years ago when I read an article about foster kids who had aged out of the system. Now they were out on their own, in bare apartments, with only a little government assistance and no guidance on how to take care of themselves. One guy said he tried to cook burgers to cheer himself up and ended up burning them and smoking up his apartment. :(  Now, I'm not a great cook, but I can do basics. And carryaway _is_ a great cook, formal training and all, and also a CNA now, and I am really excited about us coming together and creating some real help for these kids. It'll also be great for college students and recent divorcees who were on the wrong side of cooking duty, but my heart is really for the former foster kids.
This is not going to be a very profitable book - it's for broke people! I hope to donate copies to an organization that helps former foster kids, too, so that's more money not being made. So I can't imagine any publishers lining up to pay an advance for it. The plan is that I'll get as far as I can, and then run a Kickstarter campaign to get the funding to finish paying my collaborator :) and to self-publish the book and get some copies to give away.
This is a project that really matters to me.
It may actually be capable of making a positive difference in someone's life.
I am scared to pieces.

*Two book reviews! Maybe a third. I'll get those up soon.

* A few art projects, two of which are due in October and the other is really small. 

Wish me luck, y'all. :) 

"limited lifetime warranty" means the motor, not the lights :P 
Well, that's stupid. Since Joe is an electro-mechanical engineer, I'm thinking about having him take it apart and solder the clicky thing back where it belongs. He ought to know how to do it without turning it into a fire hazard. Either that, or we put up a new light. 

No hard feelings, though. Look, I wrote them a new slogan:
Hunter Fans... They are fans, but not of their customers. 

Be sure to bid on Marissa's blog, not here!


Originally posted by marissameyer at Mini Auction for a Good Cause: Bid on Signed CINDER, John Green, and Cat Knutsson Pack!